Helpful Advice for Children with Incarcerated Parents

Life changes fast when a parent is taken away. Maybe you’re a child trying to keep it together at school, or an adult trying to explain the unexplainable to a young person you love. No one gets a manual for this. Kids and caregivers alike are left to figure it out as they go. Whether you’re a parent, grandparent, older sibling, or supportive adult, knowing what to expect and how to help can make all the difference.

• More than 5 million kids in the U.S. have had a parent incarcerated at some point. That’s about 1 in every 14 children.
• If you’re in a classroom with 28 other kids, odds are at least one or two of them know exactly what you’re going through—even if they never say it out loud.

Meet Henry: Breaking the Cycle with Courage

Henry is brave and kind. He loves his father, but he’s also decided that he’ll break the cycle. Watch his story to see how he deals with tough feelings—including anger—and how he chooses a different path.

If you’re an adult supporting a child, consider watching together and using Henry’s story as a way to start a conversation about feelings and choices.

Anger: The Feeling Nobody Talks About

It’s normal to feel angry—at your parent for making choices that landed them behind bars, at the police or the court, at the world for being unfair, or just at the whole situation. Sometimes that anger comes out at people who don’t deserve it, or it sits inside until it feels like you could explode. That doesn’t make you a bad person or a bad kid. Anger is just your brain’s way of saying, “this hurts”.

But here’s something people don’t always say out loud: sometimes, when you’re angry and hurt, it’s easy to act out—get into fights, break rules, or shut down. And that can start a chain reaction. There’s a real risk that, if you don’t find a different way to deal with it, you could end up in trouble yourself. The numbers back it up: kids with incarcerated parents are more likely to get suspended or even end up in the system themselves.

If you’re caring for a child who’s showing signs of anger or frustration, try to name those feelings together. Remind them that anger is a normal reaction, and help them find safe outlets—talking, writing, drawing, or just being outside.

Sorting Out Those Messy Feelings

There’s no “normal” way to feel after a parent is incarcerated. You might be mad at them, or at everyone else. You might feel like you have to pick up the pieces when things fall apart at home. Maybe you want to forgive, but you’re not sure how. Or maybe you’re not interested in that at all.

If you need to let it out, try writing it down or talking to someone who won’t judge. It doesn’t have to be family—sometimes a teacher, coach, or school counselor just listens better.

For adults: Encourage the child in your care to express their feelings in whatever way feels safe through words, art, or quiet time. Let them know you’re there to listen, but don’t pressure them to talk before they’re ready.

Coping with an Incarcerated Parent: What Actually Helps?

• Find someone who listens. It doesn’t matter if it’s a friend, family member, or a counselor. Sometimes just saying the words out loud takes away some of the power.
• Look for groups that get it. There are programs and support groups for kids and teens with incarcerated parents. It’s not about sharing your story if you don’t want to, it’s about knowing there’s a space where you don’t have to explain yourself. And sometimes, just hearing others’ feelings about something you are going through will give you a new perspective or ways to process your emotions.
• Do something that’s just for you. Whether it’s sports, art, music, or just being outside, give yourself permission to check out for a while.
• If you’re an adult, help your child connect with supportive adults or peer groups, and encourage them to find activities that help them relax or feel accomplished.

Forgiveness or Not?

People talk about forgiveness like it’s a requirement, but it’s not that simple. You might want to forgive your parent. You might not. You might just want to understand what happened or put some distance between yourself and the past. You get to decide what kind of relationship you want, if any.

Starting over can mean writing a letter or just thinking through your feelings before you talk. If reconnecting feels right, take it slow. If you’re not ready, that’s fine too.

For adults: Let your child know they have choices when it comes to forgiveness and relationships. Support them without pushing for a particular outcome.

Resources for Children of Incarcerated Parents

Here are several resources for children and families affected by incarceration. These aren’t fixes but options you can access now:

• Sesame Street in Communities – Incarceration: Videos, activities, and guides for younger children about having a parent in jail or prison.
• National Resource Center on Children and Families of the Incarcerated: Information, support, and connection to national and local programs.
• Youth.gov – Children of Incarcerated Parents: Resources and tips for youth, families, and professionals.
• Ask at school about local support meetings or groups—many communities have organizations dedicated to supporting children of incarcerated parents.
• If you need to talk to someone immediately, call or text 988, or visit the 988 Lifeline. No judgment, just someone to listen to you.

FAQ: Incarcerated Parents

How can adults support children with an incarcerated parent?
Adults can help by being available to listen without judgment, encouraging open expression of feelings, helping children connect with supportive resources (like school counselors or peer groups), and reminding them that their experiences do not define their future.

How do children with an incarcerated parent cope?
Children can cope by finding supportive adults, joining groups with others in similar situations, expressing feelings through creative outlets, and seeking counseling or mentorship.

Where can children with an incarcerated parent find support?
Support is available from school counselors, online organizations like Sesame Street in Communities and the National Resource Center on Children and Families of the Incarcerated, and local community groups.

Is it normal to feel angry or embarrassed if your parent is incarcerated?
Anger, embarrassment, sadness, and confusion are all normal responses. Talking about these feelings can help.

Can having an incarcerated parent affect your future?
It can, but it doesn’t define you. With support and healthy coping, many young people go on to lead happy, successful lives.

Moving Forward…

Having an incarcerated parent can be tough, but support is out there. Whether you’re sorting through anger, searching for ways to cope, or just need someone to listen to you, there are resources and people who care. Just know, your feelings are valid, and your future can be your own.